Sorry we are confusing layers:
1) ODBC abstracts ANY database including sqllite, MySQL etc... they are quick, easy to implement and a single query will run on all.
2) headless XBMC will require a spare xbmc machine, a database server is NOT a spare machine, is used for another 100000000000 things. Also MySQL is available on all NAS I know that are USUALLY the core repository for XBMC content libraries.
3) a good use of correct SQL will make the library fly having the advantage not only of better data but of using a secondary system just to manage the data and sending over the network only relevant information.
4) on very small cpu implementation like raspberry and other the extra cpu required for SQLite and bad data structure is a huge waste of time and impacts the overall user experience, the content will NOT be on those devices in any case so you have a NAS somewhere.
I think your solution is more complex and cumbersome than making a good DB library able to separate the presentation layer (XBMC) from the data layer (DB) also note that if the db is bad/cumbersome your solution of a headless XBMC will not generate a good result.
If is bad on a single pc just for itself how can you think that it will be efficient to work with multiple PC? In the end you are proposing to do a "XBMC
RDBMS"
an XBMC database server
with SQLite files on the backend and custom protocols between client and server...
In other words you are trying to build in XBMC what is already available, super efficient and field proven with millions of installations on the standard RDBMS.
You'll have to face thread concurrency, protocol concurrency, statefull transaction, concurrent updates, etc... and it will be an awful mess...
while we can get all of that for free from any RDBMS, including free ones.
Then once you have a RDBMS in place you can do a headless XBMC just for the scraping, scripts, etc... that will work very nicely!
Note that configuring MySQL on nas is as easy as a single click!
ODBC sources can be easily included in Setup scripts on every platform you use... they are "legacy" in the sense that has been around for at leasy 15 years... there should be a reason for that